Mommy Diaries – Entry 1

A number of people ask me now , How are you feeling now that you are a mother? … Truthfully i don’t feel any different. Then I got thinking about it.

How am I feeling ? Has my life changed?

Yes dramatically. I have a whole new person to take care of , a small, fragile person who has a mind of her own. Please note that I called my baby a person, because that is what she is. She is a lovely little thing, who has a firm mind of her own, she can say no or yes to something. She is curious, wants to explore , wants to make friends, wants to taste, in short everything we as adults want to do she does it in her scale. So how does it make me feel ? Right now I think that parenthood is a marvelous experiment ( a number of people are going to call me a bad mother for this). An experiment for both the parties – my baby is my subject and am hers.

Is it worth it?

A number of people ask me this also. I don’t know how to respond to this. I have not changed intrinsically. It is just that I have another person who is totally dependent on me for everything but mostly for love. I don’t know how to put a value on it. I just know that it is worth it when she flashes her beautiful toothless smile or when she tries to sit up and succeeds and grins or when she tastes her first foods and either spits it out or loves it.. list goes on. I can see that for her everyday is a big adventure , everyday things like travelling on the bus  or buying vegetables or going for a walk is wondrous that is fun to watch as an adult.

Don’t you miss real life?

When I hear this question, I feel really angry. On one side I am putting my life on hold for my baby and people have the audacity to ask me if I don’t miss my old life . Of course I miss it , I would love to do everything to be the way it was , adult conversations , movies , travelling, most importantly financial independence. But this is also a job and I wouldn’t want to miss out on this also. I think because am selfish. I want the best of everything. I want to spend time with my baby when she is little , she is growing up really fast , she’s 6 months old and she wants to explore the world. I wont get anytime with her as she goes to school, she will start her life. And hopefully I will go back to mine. So missing ‘real life’ is a matter of perspective.

As I put it the whole parenthood is a marvelous experiment. And i really don’t think it can go horribly wrong. Lets face it all of us are a nut loose, our children will manage to survive with us.